Stiff Upper Lip

Is your stomach churning? R asked. She'd called to see how I was doing the day before getting my breast cut off due to a disease that co...

The Bad Girls of Cancer

Tonight was my last yoga class with two real breasts. I thought about it as we lay face down on the floor to do our leg stretches. We did a ...

A Day in Which I Buy a Mastectomy Camisole & Fail to Sway an Alderman; plus Strangers on a Train

The nurse at Fancy Hospital had e-mailed me, asking if I wanted a mastectomy camisole. I looked it up on line and it seemed like a good thin...

A Nervous Laugher

I have become a nervous laugher. I told N that she should meet with my student intern, that I would normally want a three-way meeting, but I...

The Willy Loman of Female Diseases

(Warning: This section, especially the end, is not for the faint of heart. If that's you, I suggest skipping this and going to For Bette...

Lesser of Two Evils

Tonight I walked to the Lesser of Two Evils chain bookstore and went wild in a Cancer-Bitchy way. I had a $50 gift card as part of payment/t...

A Filling Without a Sandwich

I am a member of the Sandwich Generation--Baby Boomers (mostly women) who are caught between taking care of cranky teenagers and creaky pare...

Thanks, Britney

In solidarity with Cancer Bitch, pop star Britney Spears has shaved her head. She's also gotten a few tattoos. This after going in then ...

Gotta Date

Gotta date. Finally. To the prom. The total mastectomy prom. My date is Wednesday, Feb. 28, at 4pm at Fancy Hospital. A total mastectomy is ...

The Other Hand

A new study shows that men with vasectomies (such as L) are more likely to suffer from a certain kind of dementia where you can still garden...

In the Office of the Plastic Surgeon to the Stars/Following the Lump

Yesterday I went to see the Plastic Surgeon to the Stars. The office was near downtown in an old building with seemingly endless arcades in ...

Lump in the Throat/Hail to Tricky Dickie/Marbles in a Barn

Today I had a lump in my throat most of the day. That is what I call anxiety. That is what I felt throughout high school and college and aft...

Confusion sets in

We went to Plainer Hospital today, formerly known in this blog as Pretty Good. Plainer just seems more apt. We waited more than two hours in...

Activism

I am thinking I should have something more cheerful here instead of death and cancer. Even the Cancer Bitch needs some non-cancer space. I...

Public and private

In Bathsheba's Breast I'm reading about William Halsted, the creator of the Halsted radical mastectomy at Johns Hopkins, and I sudd...

Doing well

People say I'm doing well. They say I sound good. I joke. I don't think it's denial. But do people in denial admit they're i...

Driving to Distraction

My emotions have been pretty even all this time, but my brain has been scattered all over the landscape. Or maybe I'm prematurely experi...

I Am Milked

You can be, too. You can try it at home. Put cream on your nipple to soften it. Cover with a plastic see-through band-aid. Over that lay a w...

Benign!

The right breast ((o)) , that is. The left one will still have to go. Maybe I'll have a farewell party for it. And serve scoops of peach...

Telling

The cashier at Trader Joe's who asks, How was your week? Do you say, Well, I had my first MRI, and I'm going to find out if I have c...

Austro-Hungarian Empire/Breast Grid

We left the house at about 6:40 a.m. for my MRI-biopsy appointment. The sky was pink over the lake. I knew it was sunrise, and I knew I'...

An aside: Today I am a Unitarian.

I ran across a " Belief-O-Matic " quiz today and took it. I line up 100 percent with Unitarians and 94 percent with secular humani...

Jews and Jesus, Death and Taxes

I cried two-and-a-half times today, for about 20 seconds each time, and mostly because I was feeling irritable. It was embarrassing to cry, ...

Whodunnit

Whodunnit: two household mysteries 1. The plumber came to figure out why water leaked downstairs yesterday when I took a long shower. After ...